shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
