threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
