Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize