Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
