How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
