So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
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