this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
