Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
