I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
