i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
