i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
