Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
