My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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