He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Randomize