nut hugger
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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