After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
