If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
