hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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