So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
