I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
40s are totally the cure
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
