i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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