..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Holy shit dude........stairs
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
