the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
