Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Everclear isn't food dammit
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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