I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
