you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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