and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
