i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Can you repeat that, but with context?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
