***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I forgot wine drunk hurts
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
