Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
