I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
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