I think i peed on brittanys purse
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Found the puke drawer
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
