If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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