At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
