He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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