I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
