Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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