Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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