i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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