Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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