Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
