My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
