So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just gift wrapped bread.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
