I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
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