you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize