oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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