Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I just found puke in my bra..
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
