I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
