The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
