i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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