Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
