Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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