I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
