I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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