once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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