Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
