So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
