I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
