someone owes me an orgasm
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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