yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
