ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Randomize
