so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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