You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
