Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
