I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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