Ambien. No doubt about it.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
