Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
