He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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