the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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