You're completely useless in the revolution.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
