I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
